weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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