so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
