Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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