I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
