u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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