As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
