woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
