I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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