Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
