Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
whose parrot is this?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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