Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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