they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
