Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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