and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
