Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
