she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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