So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
