So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
