He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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