do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
