That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my sisters under your porch take her home
pop tarts are not kleenex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
