meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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