Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
