my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
