I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
