You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
