we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
