And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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