you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
