I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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