I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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