Well douche your snatch and let's go!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
