Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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