i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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