Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
