Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
