does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
