His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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