WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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