i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
