i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
