I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Drake has all the answers
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
