i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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