Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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