Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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