He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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