You're so nebulous sometimes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize