Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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