**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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