Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
