Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
