the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
