two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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