Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
