you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
