peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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