2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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