everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
