Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
