I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
