did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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