Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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