My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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