My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
