Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
