I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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