i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
