Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
