How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
