i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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