How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
