Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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