did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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