can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
