Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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