I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
