I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
