I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
